Pages

Monday, March 3, 2014

Why?

INT. LIVING ROOM

Owen and Steele sit on either end of the couch slouched back into the cushions with their feet propped up on the coffee table in front of them. They are watching TV. A Calvin Klein commercial comes onto the TV screen. Owen and Steele watch the commercial in silence. As the ad ends, Steele’s eyebrow raises skeptically.

STEELE
Dude, why is fashion even important?

OWEN
Because we all want to look good.

STEELE
          Why?

OWEN
          Because we want to attract the ladies.

STEELE
          Why?

OWEN
          Because we want to get laid!

STEELE
          Why?

OWEN
         
Because it feels good!

STEELE
          Why?

OWEN
Because the signals our nerve endings in our junk send to our brains while we’re doing it say so.

STEELE
          Why?

OWEN
Because that’s how our brains are wired to respond to that kind of physical stimulation.

 STEELE
          Why?

OWEN
          Because we want to bust a nut!

 STEELE
          Why?

OWEN
Well, if you follow it out to its logical conclusion it’s so that we can reproduce.

STEELE
          Why?

OWEN
          So that more people will be on Earth.

STEELE
          Why?

OWEN
Because we want the human species to remain strong.

STEELE
          Why?

OWEN
Because it’s biologically engrained into our DNA.

STEELE
          Why?

OWEN
Because if it wasn’t you and I probably wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.

STEELE
          Why?

OWEN
Because there would have been no drive for our ancestors to procreate, thus, without the biological incentive of pleasure associated with the reproductive process, every single one of our ancestors, all the way to our parents, would have been significantly less likely to procreate and, consequently, the statistical likelihood of either one of us existing under this hypothetical circumstance is phenomenally low.

STEELE
          Why?

OWEN
Because if you negate the inherent biological drive to reproduce for the sake of reproducing, the factors that would play into two people deciding to engage in procreation would be far less circumstantially common and would most likely vary between each and every individual. Our family trees consist of hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, of individuals before us who all decided to, or accidently, procreate due to the afore mentioned inherent biological drive to reproduce that is sequenced within the DNA of every single cell of every single one of our ancestors. Without this, the millions of people that came before us would have all had to decide to reproduce based upon other, less common, factors. Not only this, but every single one of our millions of ancestors would have had to choose to engage in sexual reproduction with the exact same partners, at nearly the exact same times, and in nearly the exact same ways to pass along the exact same sperms to the exact same eggs all the way until they created the exact same people who we are today. Those same factors, and more, would all have to occur in nearly the  exact same ways for every single one our millions of ancestors and for our ancestors’ ancestors and for our ancestors’ ancestors’ ancestors and so one and so forth until we get all the back to the two original people.

STEELE
          Oh, that makes sense.

OWEN
          Why do you ask?

 STEELE
          I don’t know why I asked. Why do you ask?

OWEN
I don’t know why I asked. Why do you ask why I asked?

STEELE
I don’t know why I asked. Why did you ask “why do you ask why I asked”.

OWEN
I don’t know why I asked you “why do you ask why I asked”.

STEELE
          Why?

OWEN

          F—[bleep] you.

No comments:

Post a Comment

There was an error in this gadget